Poetry
Life used to be fun
but not anymore
I used to go out with my friends
but now all I do is sit in the darkness of my room
I used to call girls on the phone
but now all I want to do is die
I used to go out to the movies
but now all I do is watch the darkness engulf me
I used to go to the Lord's House
but now I know longer believe
I used to talk to my parents
but now I can't even look at them
I used to like life
but now eternal rest seems better
I used to love
but now hate is my only emotion
I used to never be depressed
I sit in the cold darkness of my room
like I have many times before
since all happiness has left me
The darkness is all I have
The pure black hate that flows in my veins
All I want is the darkness
and I know how to get it
I know what happens when I get what I want
but I really don't care anymore
since all love has left me
I sit on my floor in the dimness
with a cold gun in my hands
music playing softly in the background
The gun promises me what I want
and I want it bad
I don't think I can live anymore
I wander through the darkness of my soul
fearing nothing is around but the gloom
I walk in search of the light
but yet I have found none
At times I see the light
far away towards the back of my conscience
I run towards it but it dies in the vast darkness
Since there is only the dark
I walk blindly through life
caring only for my quest of the light
Over the years I have grown used to the sin
and the evilness that hunts within my soul
and now I have lost interest in the light
and that scares me more then the dark
At the midnight hour when the sky is dark as pitch,
I will come for you. I creep on through your bedroom window
or walk right through your door; don't bother locking them,
I'll get in anyway. You could be awake or asleep,
I'm not very picky. Black, white, yellow, I'm not racist.
Your wealth means nothing to me. The poor and the rich
will be as one in my eyes. Are you young? Or are you old?
You may think age will save you but you are wrong. No one is safe
from my hand of everlasting gloom when I call your name you
I close my eyes to hide from the painful tragedies life gives me
I hide in the darkness of my room praying for the strength to take my own tormented life
I only ask one thing from you Father
Please save my lost and damned soul
as i stared into the wall
i saw death and corruption
as i stared into the wall
i saw sin and hell
as i stared into the wall
i saw the good and the bad
as i stared into the wall
i saw my own wretched life
as i stared into the wall
i swallowed the fatal pill
i closed my eyes forever
as i stared into the wall
The Light of Darkness is all of my early works spanning 1989 to 1994. Most of these aren't really good as I once thought. As I was typing these up, I realized that most of them are crap. But I think it is fair to post them so you can see my progression as a writer. Not all of them are crap and as you go through the dates you will realize that I did get better. Most of the themes are the same. Depressing. Oh well, I was a teenager. What other emotions do teens have?
I started writing in 1989. 8th grade I believe. If I am not mistaken, it was an assignment for my English class. I wrote one and for about 6 years I constantly wrote down what was in my head. Some of it is good, some of it isn't. I thought about only posting what I thought was good. But that isn't fair to everyone. I wrote two compilations; The Light of Darkness and Tortured Versus. My poetry isn't happy. Most of it is depressing since I was a teenager when I wrote most of them. I hope you enjoy reading them. If you have comments you can post what you need to at the bottom of each poem.
